The Last Wave
How about throwing Birkie skiers
to the wolves?
By Mark Ollinger Although between us we've skied six American Birkebeiners and five Kortelopets, my brother, Michael, and I were surprised by the controversy surrounding the introduction of the 12K Prince Haakon event in 2005. A number of "old school" participants felt the new shorter event cheapened or "sissified" the overall race experience. But race organizers argued the new event
would expand the appeal of cross-country skiing, especially among young people.
Was the addition of the Prince Haakon selling out? I don't really think so, but some of the prestige of skiing those last few blocks of Main Street in Hayward may have taken a hit.
Michael has come up with a way for the event to "man up" and generate additional exposure for Birkie weekend. His suggestion is to add a new last wave of participants. The last wave would not consist of the traditional
first-timers, but a pack of hungry wolves – the "Wolf Wave," if you will. The last wave of human participants would get the usual 10-minute head start over their pursuers.
My gut tells me that the rear guard of skiers will experience an extra shot of adrenalin to get them up the Power Line hills in a hurry.
This may sound like the ravings of mad lunatic who has sniffed a little too much klister, I admit. But I believe my brother's suggestion may have some merit.
First
of all, let's look at this idea from an environmental perspective. Over the past several decades, our friends at the U.S. Department of Interior have introduced wolves back into their natural habitats. While these programs initially caused local outrage, especially from ranchers and farmers, the uproar eventually died down and may have actually generated tourist interest in places like Yellowstone National Park.
After the Birkie wolves gorge themselves on a few unlucky skiers, they
would probably turn their attention to more traditional fare. That would help keep the deer population under control. And let's face it; some culling of the skier herd may be in order, too. Birkiebeiner management is clearly concerned with increasing the median age of the participants. Eliminating some of the sick and the old would certainly move things in that direction.
This new "edgier" Birkie race would likely erase any public relations damage done by the addition of the easier
Prince Haakon event. In fact, the Wolf Wave would inject a mighty dose of testosterone into the Birkie. Successful finishers/survivors would no doubt have death-defying stories to tell. With time, they'll surely embellish their tales by increasing the size, number and tenacity of the hungry carnivores held off by the brandishing of ski poles.
Since there is no such thing as bad publicity, the Wolf Wave would generate an immense amount of exposure and promotional possibilities for the
event. Right now media coverage of the Birkie follows a familiar script: A bunch of Italian guys fly over to northern Wisconsin and kick everyone's butt. WOJB, the local radio station, then interviews the rest. Most of the finishers' stories sound the same after a while. With the Wolf Wave, the number of potential story lines increases dramatically.
I smell potential ESPN X-Games coverage.
New award possibilities abound with the addition of the Wolf Wave. The current
Worldloppet series is promoted as an opportunity to ski in marathon ski races all over the world. I can see a new Deathloppet series. Other potential events in the Deathloppet series could include running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain; climbing Mount Everest in the Himalayas; swimming with sharks along the Great Barrier Reef; and wearing a Chicago Bears jersey at Lambeau Field.
As it is now, skiers who have completed 20 Birkies achieve Birchlegger status and get to wear a purple
bib. With the addition of the wolves, participants who are merely maimed can earn Peglegger status and get to wear a real prosthesis made of birch.
The Wolf Wave would open up new promotional possibilities, too. I think that the current slogan "Take the challenge, ski the adventure" may be getting a little stale. Instead, we could steal a page from Kevin Costner's film "Dances With Wolves" and call the new Birkie "Skis With Wolves."
"I Survived the Birkie – Literally" T-shirts
would be a hot item at Telemark Resort. A-1 may want to sign on as "the official steak sauce of the American Birkiebeiner."
The economic impact of the Wolf Wave may need to be studied, I admit. The additional spectator and media interest could be a real boost to the local economy, but there could be wider adverse implication. For example, surviving an attack of Birkie wolves could supplant the buying of a Harley-Davidson as a way to prove one's manhood or deal with a midlife crisis.
American interest in cross-country skiing soared after Bill Koch won a silver medal for the United States in the 1976 Olympics. Thirty years later, the sport could use another shot in the arm. The Wolf Wave could be just that. We might lose a few skiers, but the remaining ones will be fitter and faster.
It's not like this idea is unprecedented. Maybe you remember the story of the two hikers who suddenly found themselves between an angry mother grizzly bear and her cubs.
One of the hikers turned and ran. The hiker left behind yelled, "You can't outrun a grizzly bear."
The fleeing hiker yelled back, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I just need to outrun you."
Mark Ollinger resides in Barrington, Illinois. He is the chief financial officer for a manufacturing firm in the western suburbs of Chicago. Ollinger is the first to admit that his lack of skiing skills would put him at risk for being dinner for a wolf.
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